The You I’ve Never Known by Ellen Hopkins

Table of Content

• 1. Cover
• 2. Dedication
• 3. Acknowledgments
• 4. To Begin
• 5. Ariel
• Home
• I Can’t Remember
• Yeah, On Paper
• Once in a While
• I Might Say
• Indecency
• It’s Saturday Night
• Discovering the Reasons
• Dad’ll Have to Get Over It
• I’m a Rectangle
• I Just Graduated from Tacos
• Speaking of Bolts
• By the Time
• We Pull Chairs
• See, One Thing
• I’ve Never Met Her
• I’ve Met Monica’s Mom
• Wait, Wrong
• Logic Suggests
• As We Start to Circle
• Syrah Isn’t Finished
• We Quick-Time
• 6. Maya
• 7. Ariel
• October 9, Six A.M.
• I Slide Out of Bed
• That Being the Case
• I Expect Her
• I Wake Again
• I’m Confused
• All Laughter
• What a Strange Exchange
• But Then Comes
• Omelet Finished
• I Expect Zelda
• Awesome
• She Holds Up One Hand
• Zelda Ducks Them, Too
• Hard Question
• Once the Others Leave
• I’ve Been Old Enough
• But as It Turns Out
• Damn, Damn, Damn
• Except for a Slurp
• She Celebrated
• 8. Maya
• 9. Ariel
• I Don’t Get a Car
• Dad’s Lame Attempt
• I Pick a Horror Flick
• To Start With
• I Want to Be
• In the Car
• Uncle Drew
• My Jaw Drops
• The Confession
• Bushwhacker?
• It’s Nothing New
• They Could and They Did
• Over the Years
• But It Won’t Today
• My Gut Reaction
• I Don’t Dare
• Dad Will Never
• As Dad and I Go Inside
• One Thing Math Is Good For
• By Morning
• I Wake Late
• Without Monica’s Persistence
• Case in Point
• Not Exactly a Problem
• School Isn’t So Bad Today
• Hillary Grantham
• Today, However
• After Practice
• Afraid
• Beyond This Fear
• I Don’t Share
• 10. Maya
• 11. Ariel
• Almost Three Weeks
• Speaking of Eyes
• So, Naturally
• I Command
• After We Eat
• What Fun Is That?
• I Spy Something
• The Mare Argues
• We Crest a Small Rise
• He Asks
• He’s Comfortable
• Okay, That Was Weird
• I’m Glad
• The Ranch
• Mucking Stalls
• 12. Maya
• 13. Ariel
• Headed Home Again
• He’s Got a Point
• The Danger
• I Have a Hard Time
• Gabe Steers the GTO
• Rules Out
• I’m Thinking
• And Now I Need More to Drink
• By the Time
• Rapid-Fire Q & A Begins
• I Admit I Would
• Those Exceptional Eyes
• My Head
• I Kissed a Boy
• My Second Kiss
• The Worst Thing
• Either Way
• Who Knew?
• 14. Maya
• 15. Ariel
• There Are Dreams
• The Dream
• I Cycle Back Through
• What Pops
• That Was That
• So Far
• As I Work
• I Didn’t Know
• Especially Because
• He Looks at Me
• To Be Fair
• This Day
• She Makes Me Promise
• Straightforward
• It Comes Close
• He Agrees We Are
• I Make an Executive Decision
• Pretty Sure
• Hillary’s Father
• Utter Garbage
• The News Crews Leave
• Suddenly I’m Very Glad
• 16. Maya
• 17. Ariel
• Life Just Got Weird
• Hillary Looked Awful
• Then Her Attention Turned
• Fragile
• I’m Feeling That Way
• The Last Comparison
• These Sentiments
• All I Know
• One of the Hardest Things
• My Brain’s Relentless
• Monica Sprints Over
• I Also Do My Damn Best
• Something Shifts
• The Whole Time
• On Our Way
• The Other Kids Laugh
• I Don’t Care Who’s Looking
• When We Get to My House
• We Don’t Find Corpses
• No Freaking Way!
• Every Argument
• Excellent Point
• The Suggestion
• I Won’t Argue That
• Thinking About Dad
• I’ve Dreamed About This Kiss
• This, My Third Kiss
• It Also Excites Me
• But First Things First
• I Tell Him
• I Don’t Offer Gabe
• The First Thing
• I Hesitate
• And “This”
• Driven by Instinct
• Crash Landing
• 18. Maya
• 19. Ariel
• Altered
• I’m Desperately Trying
• Until Recently
• A Few Years Ago
• So, No
• Even Beyond the Triad
• That Transparency
• Today Is Gobbler Day
• He Grunts
• At Zelda’s
• We’ve Been Borderline
• For Now
• Apparently Brining Works
• I Stay in My Chair
• And That’s the First Time
• Wordlessly
• Gabe Will Probably Be a Keeper
• After a While
• Dad Played Busboy?
• Actual Kindness
• Between the L-Tryptophan
• Home Again
• Not on the Couch
• I’ve Lost Track
• Condom, Right
• We Take Our Time
• Eventually
• 20. Maya: For Casey
• 21. Ariel
• I’ve Got a Problem
• After Gabe Left
• Look at Me
• Dad Still Isn’t Home
• At Least Not Right This Minute
• I Don’t Add the Part
• We Reach the Triple G
• How Do You Feel at Home
• We Talk for Twenty Minutes
• They Were Killed
• All I Know About 9/11
• We Change the Subject
• It’s a Natural Break
• Just Stating the Obvious
• All That I Am
• She’s Human After All
• Job Offer Assured
• Once Again
• We Wrap It Up
• Such Loyalty
• 22. Maya: For Casey
• 23. Ariel
• December Delivers Short Days
• Dad Holds Grudges
• What Hurts Most
• Sometimes, in Fact
• Crybabies
• But Everything’s Better with Wheels
• I Even Baked the Cake
• I Leave the Cake
• Careful
• The Mom Unit Is Gone
• Don’t Kiss Me, Don’t Kiss Me
• It’s a Grudging Exodus
• That Sounded Vaguely Ominous
• Suddenly, Forcefully
• Gabe Sizes Up the Situation
• Up Close
• He Bends Over
• What I Hold Very Close
• Monica Holds Me Close
• Funny How the Brain
• Sounds Way Too Adult
• 24. Maya: For Casey
• 25. Ariel
• Last Night
• No Judgment
• Monica’s Beauty
• What I Can Say
• What I Can’t Say
• Or Maybe
• From Tip-Off to Halftime
• Coach Rallies Us
• But as I Shower
• If He’s Here
• We Cut Back
• I’ve Just Been Invited
• I’m Thinking That Over
• Denial
• Why Now?
• Leering Faces
• Dad Looks More
• I Can’t Watch
• My Name
• I Drive
• Pertinent Question
• I Stop the Car
• Upset
• There’s One More Message
• Where Do I Go Now?
• The GTO
• The Feeling Must Be Mutual
• Awesome
• Complicated
• My Sonora Anchor
• The Word
• Trying to Process
• I Don’t See How It Can
• Mom
• I Leave Zelda
• Oh, How I Wish
• Dad’s at the House
• I Lift My Hand
• Make It Personal
• Spin
• Makes Sense
• One Question Answered
• The End
• Dressed-Down
• I’m Glad I Do
• Lies, Lies, Lies
• I’m Shredded
• The Words Pierce
• I Sink Into
• Resolve
• Goose Bumps Lift
• I Turn Up the Radio
• Musing
• Flashback
• Real Time
• Dark Out Here
• That Cracks Me Up
• Yeah, Except
• Deliberate
• I Jerk the Door Open
• He Left Me Behind
• He Starts the Car
• I Hang Up
• Gabe Reaches Across
• That Stops Him Cold
• Abuse?
• He Starts to Sputter
• The Exchange
• I Assure Him
• I’ll Wrestle with That
• Beneath the Cool Glare
• I Cry into His Shirt
• Asi Es La Vida
• Am I Hungry?
• Post Posole
• She Seems Almost Reluctant
• At Least I Manage
• Laughter
• How Do I Answer?
• I Don’t Love Gabe
• Panting
• Bulldozed
• The Truth
• This Revelation Sinks Like Lead
• Gaslighting
• Which Begs the Question
• I Fall Back Again
• Apparently
• As I Lie Here
• Sunday Morning
• Better Is a Relative Term
• Wow
• As Accurate
• Fortuitously
• I Hand Over the Reins
• Hillary Nods Understanding
• I Would Never Have Believed
• I Drive Home Slowly
• The Driveway Is Empty
• He Didn’t Leave
• I Still Can’t Quite
• One Week
• Not One Word
• Saturday Morning
• Quick Decision
• Wonder If That’s True
• I Get to the Restaurant
• Wordlessly
• Luckily
• Over Cheeseburgers and Fries
• That Circles Us Around
• We Avoid
• So Far, So True
• Evil?
• It Can’t Be True
• My World
• As Pissed As I Am
• God, I Want to Be Angry
• Now I Pull My Hand Away
• Dollar-Store Teddy Bear?
• I’ve Never Seen Pictures
• Outside
• As I Drive
• I Read for Hours
• Boo
• The Sudden Insight
• I Close My Journal
• No More Tonight
• Postscript
• 26. Maya’s Journal: For Casey
• 27. Author’s Note
• 28. About Ellen Hopkins
• 29. Copyright