Perils of a Papillon by Tara Lain

Can pretending to be engaged get you murdered?

Toby Albertine needs a fake fiancé to get the teaching job of his dreams.
Sadly, he’s kind of a duh-weeb and he lives with his twin sister who everyone mistakes for his wife, so no dates
In desperation, Toby asks Ernest, the mysterious man of his dreams, to masquerade as his one and only for a single party. Ernest says yes, but Toby forgot. Things that seem too good to be true—are.
Toby and Ernest wind up sharing a king-sized bed at a resort that’s crawling with all of Toby’s school bigwigs. Can you spell couple’s massage? But one guy’s trying to kill Ernest and another’s trying to save him. There’s no place for Toby but in the middle.
There’s a dog, of course, with gigantic ears and a bigger personality. And there’s even a cat named Cat, plus tons of romance, out-loud laughs and near-death experiences. Batshit does it again!